Little Lucy

This is the news today, fitting in with my theme from yesterday. A new human ancestor fossil found. Now, I don't know how they can find fossils 3+million years old when, according to a large portion of the population of Kansas, the earth is only 6,000 years old, but I still find this interesting.

I haven't had a chance to read and make any sense out of it yet. Our household is currently passing around a late summer cold/flu, and my head is pounding so hard that I'm having trouble even walking straight. I feel hungover, without the benefit of having enjoyed the drunken reveling that usually preceds a hangover.

I was looking at the pictures of her in our local newspaper, and Guthrie came up, curious. I tried to explain it to him, but he just asked, "Is it sharp?" and then closed that section of the newspaper, telling me it was scary. Okay, no little budding paleontologist there.

Lucy in the Sky

I'm ticked.

Eric's old e-mail address is still valid, and he got a message earlier that made me very mad. My favorite former professor, John Sheets, was announcing a guest speaker on campus. Who, you might ask?

Oh, just Donald Johanson!!!

I leave Warrensburg, and one of the very few people who I'm totally fascinated by comes to speak. Life=not fair.

Instead of listening to him speak, and getting him to sign his new book (which we've already gotten a copy of, although I've not had a chance to look at it), I'll just listen to "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" and think of what I'm missing.

Sad. So sad.

We also found out CMSU is not CMSU anymore. Nope, now instead of Central Missouri State University it is the University of Central Missouri. The only apparent advantage I can see to this is it lost its unfortunate initials, and we'll have to be given a new nickname, instead of Call Me Stupid University .

(And, although I haven't moved to Beta yet, I'm having trouble leaving posts on some people's {Karrie's and Jill's} blogs. Could be on my end though)

Don't worry, I'm not selling the kids on eBay

Or the husband for that matter. Although this week - as you could probably figure out from the last post - did make both of those options sound tempting at one point or another.

And, for the record, it was indeed the completely insane blonde woman of the house (uh, me) who decided to skip birth control and let Mother Nature take its course. I won't flog myself, or listen to Vogon Poetry. (After marrying a writer, and attending lots of poetry and fiction readings, the Vogon poetry took on new meaning for me. I've heard a couple dreadful poetry readings, but also some very, very good ones)

(And to go completely off, I just realized it's 9:30 at night, dark out, but I can hear someone's lawn mower. I guess that's one way to beat the heat. How bizarre)

So, of course, I love my little ones more than anything. This week, for some reason, was very very hard on me though. I can't really tell you exactly why - it's all just a big blur for some reason. I know there wasn't much sleeping involved, and I know that one night when Guthrie had been awake for 2 HOURS already and it was about 4 a.m., and he'd succeeded in waking up Turner (but not Daddy), I lost my temper with him and wasn't exactly the best AP positive parenting mama around. Why exactly I thought yelling at a child would make him go to sleep I don't know. Yes, I had one of my worst parenting moments then.

The toys everywhere, the diapers, the endless repetitions of Richard Scarry stories, the constant preparing of snacks and having to pull down my shirt to feed the little one, the messes - it all got to me. Why this week? I don't know, it really wasn't any different. I was really feeling like we'd been insane - genuinely diagnosably insane - to have two kids so close together, even though it's how we planned it.

I'm feeling much better now. Eric let me take a nap this afternoon, and made cookies, to fatten me back up make me feel better.

I am much more certain now, though, that this IUD is staying in for the full five years, and then I'll only think of more babies if Mary Poppins can live in the garage.

What were we thinking?

Whoever thought it would be a good idea to forego birth control, let Mother Nature make the decision, and allow us to conceive a baby and have two little boys just 25 months apart needs to be flogged, repeatedly.

Or made to listen to Vogon poetry.

Where Were You ...

For a long time I was afraid the "Where Were You" moment of our generation was going to be something sadly representative of our generation, such as

- when the OJ Verdict was read? (At a prenatal appointment for Samantha at Bassett Army Community Hospital in Fort Wainwright, Alaska)

- when you found out about Kurt Cobain's death? (in my bedroom at home watching the news)

- when you heard Princess Diana had died? (I'd just been picked up from work by my ex-husband and his best friend, and they told me)

- when you heard (or watched) the Challenger explosion? (I'd just gotten home from school - first grade - and saw on the news. The older grades watched it live, but we weren't told about it. I'd wanted to be an astronaut up until that moment)

We all realize now that that moment for us, the moment that defines people now the way JFK or Martin Luther King Jr. (my parents found out about MLK's death when they arrived at the hotel for their honeymoon. He was probably being assassinated as they were saying their vows) was the previous generation, is 9/11.

And why do we feel the need to tell these stories? Why must we repeat our own tale of when we heard, what we saw, especially those of us who had no real connection to the event? Unity in crisis? A form of healing - what is it exactly?

I was working at the Revenue Office of Central Missouri State University. I had to call home for some reason and my then-roommate, Chris, said they'd just bombed the World Trade Center. At that moment it didn't mean much, then my boss came up and started telling us more details, we all began checking websites, and he brought up a portable radio so we could listen.

As the day went on, reports were varied and mostly inaccurate, at least by word of mouth - a rumor of a car bomb somewhere, and I was a victim of the gas-shortage rumors, and had to leave work early to be certain I had enough to make it home.

Just a few months later - New Year's Eve - I was in NYC, at the home of some of Eric's friends who lived in Battery Park City, overlooking Ground Zero. They described watching the planes hit out their window, the fears that the tower would fall on their building, and their trying to escape to safety until they knew it was okay to return. Then I met another friend, who was with his son on the last train to go under the WTC as the planes hit. And we were there, half-drunk on the streets, on our honeymoon, on 3/11/02 when the towers of light were first lit. We listened as everyone told their stories then.

It's still horrifying to watch. Our kids, though, won't get it. They will be so used to it, will have seen it over and over on the screens, the way we've seen JFK go down and Jack Ruby take out Lee Harvey Oswald, that it won't ever be real to them. They won't have the fear, the sadness, the longing for the world to return to the way it was on 9/10/01.

My son, though, saw the picture on the newspaper - one tower in flames and the other plane about to strike - and he knew. He turned the paper over, so he didn't have to look. He is only 2 1/2, but he still knew.

I don't have any great words of wisdom. It's all been said. But in the same way my mom's family was so in awe of the first moon landing that they took a picture of the screen, I had to say my peace, too.

This is why I can never get any work done

Yep, apparently I'm a human jungle gym. And my computer is the most fascinating thing in the world.

I was sitting trying to do something that should have been fairly simple (add music to my iPod, which actually turned into a nightmare, but that's a different story), and Guthrie climbed all over me. And stayed there. And I was afraid if we moved, he'd fall, so I was kind of stuck. Fun, fun, fun.

I did manage to get it done, though, and Eric set up my speakers in the living room, so I can listen to MY music in the living room and dance with the kids. Maybe I'll get rid of these last 10 pounds that way.

Should I add now, after showing this pic, that Gus can almoststand on his head, and hangs from the bunk bed? Gymnastics in the spring, maybe?

We've been Tagged

by Abby and Davis. Well, Turner has been tagged that is.

3 Things That Scare Me
*When Guthrie yells
*When I wake up and can't find a boob
*When Guthrie walks over me to make himself a "tunnel" for me

3 People That Make Me Laugh
*Guthrie
*Daddy
*Mommy (I don't really know anybody else yet)

3 Things I Love
*My swing
*my orange monkey
*boobs

3 Things I Hate
*having gas
*dirty diapers
*long car trips

3 Things I Don't Understand
*why Guthrie yells
*what's so special about trains
*Nascar

3 Things On My Desk/Table (or blanket)
*an orange stuffed monkey
*a Kermit the Frog rattle
*Yellow maracas

3 Things I Am Doing Right Now
*rolling over
*playing with my toes
*reaching for toys

3 Things I Want to Do Before I Die
*eat a strawberry
*play with Guthrie's toys
*wear underwear

3 Things I Can Do
*smile
*cry loud and long
*nurse

3 Things I Can't Do
*crawl
*sit up
*eat strawberries

3 Things I Think You Should Listen To
*My theme song
*Mommy makes me listen to this, and we dance
*Daddy likes this

3 Things I Think You Should Never Listen To
*Her
*Them
*Him

3 Absolute Favorite Foods
*Boobs
*Breastmilk
*Chi-chis

3 Beverages I Drink Regularly
*Mama's milk
*Mama's milk
*Mama's milk

3 Shows I Watched as a Kid
*X-Files with Mommy and Daddy
*Wallace and Gromit with Guthrie
*That's all - we don't have TV, just a DVD player

3 Babies I Tag
Julian
Cheraya
Zoe

I'm still here

I just haven't had anything interesting to say lately. Or at least I haven't had anything interesting to say at the same time that I've been at the computer and had both of my hands free to actually say it (or, as is the case, type it).

There have been some interesting comments lately by Karrie and Amanda, as well as Thordora about being a Mom-Who-Blogs-About-Her-Child(ren)-and-Mommyhood, and what group aforementioned Moms you fall into. While I certainly don't give this blog enough time or energy right now to really put myself into that Blogging Mama group, it has caused me to look back at life in general and try to see where I fit. And I've also seen that I may just be one of those moms, those moms who have thrown themselves so completely into being the best mom they could be that they've lost the real sense of themself. I think it's largely due to the mistakes I made with my daughter, mostly due to bad advice and not being confident enough in myself to do what I thought was right. (Well, that, and the deadbeat ex-husband who wouldn't get off his butt and get a job, which left me in the position of trying to be primary breadwinner, mom, wife, and actually use the full scholarship I'd earned.)

This is what I've been thinking about lately. I think it's why I'm so desperate to get back into school, to actually have the time to read a whole book (I have several scattered around that I glance over a page or two when I get a chance), and why it feels like such a thrill to get (!) to go to the grocery store by myself. My mom started asking me to give her ideas for Christmas, and the boys' sizes, and I realized I couldn't think of a single thing I want, just things I want for the kids, or for the family. Nothing just for me.

Except time. Time would be good. Time alone, time with my husband, time to try out a new recipe, or read a book, or lounge in a bath. Time to write in my journal, or write something here, or time to go check out a movie. Time. For Christmas, someone give me some time.

I love my babies, of course, but sometimes, I just want to look in the mirror and see JUDY again, not just "Mama."

I realize it's next to impossible right now, with a 4-month-old who won't even take a bottle and doesn't yet sleep through the night (and if he's anything like his brother, won't for a long damn time), but I have to remind myself that it will happen (as long as the IUD works. Please FSM let the IUD work!). And it will be here soon, too soon. As long as Judy stays in there somewhere, I'll revive her when I can.

It's just one of my fantasies right now, along with being able to shop for clothes without thinking about whether or not I can nurse in them, and being able to eat an entire pb&j without having to give up half of it to a 2-year-old.

This is too funny. What right-wingers see when they read the New York Times. Scroll over the headlines and pictures.

My dear sweet husband was so kind as to remind me this morning that not only will UTPan-Am likely not accept all of my transfer credits because colleges usually don't take all of your transfers, but also because a lot of times they won't take credits that are past a certain time frame, and mine are going on 10 years now for some.

Thanks Eric! How sweet of you to make sure I realize that not only has it been 10 years in January since I started college and I'm only a sophomore, but when I go back to school I'll probably only be a freshman. Oh, yes, and what was that - you have 5 degrees? (No, he didn't say that, just my internal insecurity dialogue)

I've been thinking about school a lot. I don't think I'll be ready for spring semester, but hopefully by next fall. And as Karrie recommended, I might try doing some online classes, at least for basics. And see if I can test out of anything, especially things that won't transfer.

My goal is still basically get a degree before any of my kids, which should give me 12 years. I should be able to manage that, right?

Apparently the Anthropology program here is pretty good, although I'm going to start back just taking classes I want to, like the 2nd part of Art History, and Economics, maybe Psychology. At this point I'm not out for a career, but an education, so I'll take it slow and easy until I figure it out.

4 Months!

First, I have no idea why that lost post screwed up my template. The html looks okay, to me at least. Weird. I'm curious if a new post will fix it, or if I have to wait for it to be archived.

Anyway, T-Maw (yeah, it's a stupid nickname) had his 4 month appointment today. The stats:

16 pounds, 8 ounces, 26 inches

And hours of crying after his shots.

Poor thing. Although I think the shots are really harder on Mom than on Baby, because we know what's coming.

Comparison to Guthrie at 4 months: 1 inch shorter, and exactly the same weight. Funny, since Guthrie started off over a pound heavier.

And our Ped, who Eric hasn't even met yet, went on and on about how we could start solid food anytime now. Give him some cereal, she said. When I told her we plan on waiting, she acted like I was the first person in the world who'd ever done so. I think I probably am a rarity down here, all around. But she kept going on. "How long do you plan on waiting?" "Why wait?"

Okay, you're the Ped. Doesn't the AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) recommends exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months, then gradual intro of solids. So what's the big deal? Aargh!

I don't think she likes me.

And we've decided to really, truly, officially wean Guthrie. Eric has started putting him to bed at night. Last night it was 10:00 before he passed out. It's currently 9:30, and he's not asleep yet. But he's not screaming, which is what he was doing when I was trying to put him to bed. Screaming, and banging his head on the door trying to get out.

We also broke down and bought one of those portable DVD players with the little 7-inch screen. Yes, I know it seems like a complete and total waste of money when we already had a perfectly good TV and DVD player, and when both of our computers will play DVDs. But sometimes I need Guthrie to chill for a bit so that I can feel like a normal human being, or I need to have the "No Nap Today - OR EVER" child occupied so that the smaller infant, who DOES nap and needs more than, say, 17 minutes of sleep a day, can actually get some rest without Guthrie coming over and proudly waking him up.

And the portable player seemed like a good idea because a) it's portable, and can be put away, and so none of us will be tempted to turn it on in the middle of the day and just be veggies all day; b) it only plays DVDs, so we can't get sucked into soap operas or the news; c) it could be taken with us on long drives, like back to Missouri, so that there's something to keep the non-sleeping child occupied while we drive for what feels like weeks at a time; and d) it can be watched anywhere, any room of the house, or wherever we want to take it.

So he gets one movie a day. (Usually) That's not so bad.

Eric and I have also started watching the X-Files DVDs we bought. So. Much. Fun. I'd forgotten how much I loved the X-Files. And not just because David Duchovny's hot (he is). Just about bit Eric's head off when he suggested we skip forward and watch specific episodes - uh, no. We're watching in order. I still don't know how it ended, and won't until we get through 9 seasons.

Any predictions for how long it will take us? We've finished 3 episodes so far.

Yeah, I'm in total stream-of-consciousness mode. I have no idea what I've said. Must. Get. Sleep.

I'm debating whether I want to take classes in the spring. I don't know if I'll be ready to leave both kids with Eric for long stretches of time like that. And I freakin' hate pumping, and don't want to have to pump milk for Turner. I may wait until next fall. I just want to get my degree before one of my kids does.

Math Relays

Some of my best memories of are math relays. Yes, I was a nerd. What did I do for fun on a Saturday morning? Get up at the crack of dawn, pack my bag full of cards, pencils, notebooks, over-processed snack foods, grab a soda and a pillow, and show up to meet the bus. Then we'd ride somewhere so we could take math tests.

Sounds like a great time, huh?

Seriously, there was something about being on the bus, with a bunch of other nerds, and doing our own version of competing. I wasn't athletic, or artistic, or able to compete in any other way, but man, was I good at math. (Apparently still am, since I caught a significant error in dh's checkbook today)

I will admit, without bragging too much, that I have many, many math relay medals and ribbons in my keepsake box. Of course, the one I remember the most is the 4th place I got at Smith-Cotton one year. 4th place. 3rd and better got to go to state. If I'd only known the quadratic formula I would have gone to state. And then there's the fact that the same person - from the 'Burg at that! - always beat me. Or at least that's how I remember it. Beat me in speech competition too. And to something else. Thought about linking to her profile, but decided against it. With good reason.

A lot of people really disliked word problems. I, on the other hand, enjoyed them, and did pretty well with them. All of this came to me earlier, when I was trying to get both boys down for a nap at the same time. I wanted to write a new math relay test, one for moms.

So, get out your #2 pencils, your solar powered graphing calculators*, and get ready to fill in some bubbles, 'cause it's math relay time!

Question #1:

Guthrie is 29 months old and needs approximately 47 minutes of sleep in any 24-hour period. Turner is 4 months old and needs much more sleep than this in a day. Judy is their 28-year-old mother, who would like to take a nap with them. If Guthrie wants to nurse to sleep for his nap, and Turner needs to be bounced to sleep for his, and Judy just wants a little bit of rest, should she drink the merlot or the cabernet?

Question #2:

Turner wears size 3 diapers, and goes through an economy size box in 16 days. Guthrie wears a size 6 diaper and his boxes last a little longer, 21 days. If they both wear the HEB store brand with Clifford and cute little bones on them, will Guthrie ever decide to potty train?

Question#3:

Judy and Eric are a happily married couple. They love their children, cook healthy yummy meals, and see their dentists fairly regularly. If both boys co-sleep, and Guthrie's train set has taken over the entire living room instead of his bedroom, why did they buy a 3-bedroom house?

Question #4:

Eric's brother has nicknamed Guthrie G-Mitch, since his middle name (Mitchell) is after Eric's brother. This is a cute nickname from his uncle. Turner has 2 middle names, and his initials are TMAW. Judy has begun calling him by those initials as a nickname - T-maw. Is this the silliest nickname ever?

Question #5:

If Eric announces, at 10:51 p.m. on a Wednesday, that he wants more babies, and Judy's response is "Screw you," to which he promptly replies, "Well, yeah, that's how it works," should she have another glass of merlot? Or should she just drink the whole bottle?


Time's UP! Turn in your papers and go to the gym to play the dot square game, some Gameboy, and eat some nachos while you wait for your results. The awards ceremony will be at noon.

*At some point in high school my friend Tonya and I discovered that we could pass notes back and forth on her graphing calculator. It always looked like we were working, but instead we were just using the alphabet feature to pass notes. I've heard you can also use them to store formulas to cheat on tests, though, so I'll have to change my earlier statement and ban graphing calculators from this test.

I just want to say a great big congratulations to my niece, Stacia, who got her driving permit today.

I can't believe it's possible that my little Boo-Boo Bear is driving. Although she does have some pretty cool wheels now - take care of the Cougar, I miss it sometimes!

I love you Stacia. Be careful. Be safe. Congrats!

One-handed typing is limiting. So I'm quizzing, thanks to Callie.

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 10% Conservative, 90% Liberal

Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

You Are 68% Lady

Overall, you are a refined lady with excellent manners. But you also know when to relax and not get too serious about etiquette

Are You A Lady?

I think that's about right.

Although the picture looks like a bit of a lush. Which I've been known to be.

Yummm, champagne.

Weaning? Ha!

It's now been about four hours since I announced, about as publicly as can be, that I'm going to try to wean Guthrie. And how's it going? Well, he woke up from his nap, cranky, and after trying for about 10 minutes to get him interested in something else, he pleaded, "Please may you nurse me so I will feel better?"

I gave in.

I'm weak.

Weak.

Mama wuss.

He's nursing as I type.

Weak.

I didn't desert this thing. Just between my mom and Samantha's visit, and Guthrie's new fascination with the computer, I just haven't had much of a chance to sit down at the computer. Well, I have, but it usually escalates into a fight between me and Guthrie:

"I want to press the moon button."

"No, Guthrie, you may not press the button."

"But I want to."

"You can't always have what you want."

"I want to."

"I know you want to. You may not. Mommy needs to finish this ..."

Moon button pressed, computer in hibernate, Mommy very frustrated. Keyboard and mouse get put away where Guthrie can't reach.

And remember how I talked about how well both boys were sleeping? Ha! You think Guthrie can sleep well, for an extended period of time? In your dreams. Okay, in my fantasies. Turner still sleeps like a dream, but Gus? Nightmare. I'm also thinking I'm ready to wean him. Yep, he's 29 months, and I think I've had enough. He only nurses at bedtime, and during the day I think I can handle that. Then bedtime rolls around and I dread it. So, we're working on giving it up. I'll keep you posted.

So the moral of the story is uninterrupted computer time has gotten hard to come by. I don't know how it's working right now, honestly.

I think of brilliant, witty things to write when I'm in the shower, or driving to the store. Then I actually get logged in to my blog, and I'm lucky if I can get to the "create new post" page before the fight begins.

We're thinking we're going to have to set the TV up after all. I'm about to lose my mind (completely) getting no time to do anything. I mean anything. 1,000 miles from family, no babysitter we trust yet, and a 2 year old who doesn't believe in sleep. The TV would at least buy me a few minutes here and there to do something with my time other than dishes and laundry. And with two adults, a 2 year old, and an infant, sometimes it feels like there's not much more to life than dishes and laundry.

We did go to the beach while my mom and Sammie were here. I wore my pretty dress we bought in Progreso. See:

Behold, the power of ...


To keep up the trend set by Amanda and Alimum, as well as others, I'm sure, I'm going to honor World Breastfeeding Week with a few nursing pictures myself.

First, one of my favorite pictures, taken minutes after Guthrie's birth:

Me nursing Turner at my 10 year class reunion:

And tandem nursing both boys. Not my favorite pic, and definitely not as beautiful as one I saw on the Feeding Choices Board, but the only decent one I have.

All I have for now. And since my mom and Samantha are visiting, and I'm trying to spend as much time with them as possible, I don't have any wonderful words of wisdom for the day. Except that it still amazes me to see these little bundles and know I kept them alive for 9 months in, and then 6+ months out, by my milk alone. Pretty cool, huh? Nature is a beautiful thing.

This is what it's all about. Right down to the diaper laying on the floor in the background.

I think I got my template things figured out, for now. It's still too boring. Will work on it later.

This morning I asked Guthrie what he thought of his brother. My little 2 1/2 year old sweetie said, "He's wonderful." How sweet is that? I think we must be doing something right.

Then, later, I asked if it would be fun when Turner is old enough to play with him, and if they would both play trains. Guthrie said, "No, Turner's not big. He's little. He eats boobies." !!!

I've decided I'm entirely too boring when, after both kids are miraculously asleep at 5:30 at night, my big excitement is reading other people's blogs. And debating on
Feeding Choices. And reading. And loading pictures onto Shutterfly.

Yeah, I need a life.

And how about some reasons you know you're a mom.

1. You open the refrigerator and find a matchbox car, a tealight candle, and a crayon.
2. You ask your husband to hold the baby so you can "go use my diaper." I meant the bathroom. Hopefully.
3. The last 4 books you read were written by Sears, Pantley, Sears, and your husband. That's all you can remember. In the last 3 years.
4. You have puke, poop, and pee on your shirt and pants and just don't even bother changing.
5. You look forward to bathroom breaks. You lock the door.
6. There is at least one toy car in every room of the house.
7. You have taken over 300 digital pictures. In the month of July. And there are two weeks left.