Monday, April 16, 2007


I've been on a bit of a self-imposed internet vacation, or time-out.

Why? you ask. Well, I get a little sucked in to the whole virtual world, and lose sight of the actual real world around me. It's not awful, and since we don't have a TV, it is my one real vice, but I do have a tendency to get too involved in things that just don't really matter, and neglect things that do. You know, like the stack of books I've recently bought from Amazon or all the recipes I've been wanting to try out. And other things, like fresh air and sunlight.

And so, I cut myself off, temporarily. I deleted shortcuts so I wouldn't be tempted, and just generally stayed away. (And since Eric had pointed out that I read too much news - I guess that's another vice - I was just telling myself this morning that I would stay away from the news sites for awhile, too, when I heard of the shooting in Virginia, and can't stay away. I won't comment on that - there just aren't words - except to say how offended and disgusted I am by the pro-gun lobby and the way they are already using it as another reason everyone should own, and carry, a gun.)

In the meantime, after saying I needed to cut back a bit, our internet connection went down to slower-than-dialup speeds, and then my computer (which just recently celebrated its first birthday) needed to be fixed - again. And so I suffered the pain and terror of disconnecting my computer, driving it to the computer doctor, and hoping for its safe return. (Still not quite fixed - may have to take it back.)

And, while all of this was happening, Turner has not only decided that sleep is against his religion but wailing at the top of his lungs is his form of worship, but I got sick-ish. I say sick-ish, because I haven't been exactly sick, but not well either. I've had this sort of general icky feeling, for a couple weeks now, with headaches popping up out of nowhere, a sort of queasiness that fades in and out, and an abnormal fatigue. Oh, yes, I've had that terror - "Am I pregnant?!??!" - but I am, in fact, not pregnant. I'm certain. With all 3 of my babies, I've known almost immediately, and I am quite definitely not pregnant. Well, that and the fact that I would CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY if I were, because I am so not ready to be pregnant again.

But the fact that I was sick-ish but not really sick had me ridiculously worried and wondering what was wrong, and driving Eric generally insane. West Nile? - there have been lots of mosquitoes here. Hepatitis A? - we're in a high-risk area and there was the recent Whataburger incident. On one particularly sleep-less and slightly crazy night I was convinced momentarily it was ovarian cancer or something equally horrible, but snapped out of it by morning.

(I'm not generally a hypochondriac, and am generally rather healthy. I think the internet withdrawal was getting to me. I'm feeling much better now.)

So if I haven't returned your e-mails, commented on your blog, or debated you on whether Barilla Plus or Multi-Grain is better, that is why. I haven't stopped loving you and I'm not cheating on you, promise. It's just that darn ebola virus.


alimum said...

OK, here is a suggestion which some may consider goofy: Maybe you need to re-evaluate your diet. I had that general sick but not sick feeling for a long time and it turned out I needed to cut dairy out of my diet (and wheat for a while).

Have you considered trying an elimination diet and seeing if you feel better? Maybe even just drinking the detox tea from Celestial Seasonings would help?

But if you aren't getting enough rest and feel disconnected from your world, perhaps what you are feeling is a low grade infection. Last year, I was sortof sick for months and then I got really sick and, eventually, the doctor decided to put me on antibiotics and, well, I got better. And while I knew I was sick, I didn't realize how sick I was until I started feeling well again.

Judy said...

You know, it's funny you mention diet, and specifically dairy, because I have been making some changes there recently. Dairy is actually my one big weakness, and we eat very little meat (usually), so I was thinking of doing a short-term near-vegan sort of "detox" diet. AND I looked at the detox tea at the store a couple days ago.

BUT - there's been a lot of stress around here, honestly, and I've been feeling this weird anxiety. That could actually be diet, though, too, couldn't it?

One problem with it is: Eric has a readnig next week, out of town, and wants us all to go. I'd kind of like to, but I'm not sure it's worth the stress for such a short time in a town that's just not very interesting. And I have yet to figure out how to eat well while traveling, and trying to keep expenses down, so we always end up eating entirely too much crap on road trips.

I have a ridiculous fear of abx. It's the abx, then yeast, combo that I just dread. And I'm terrified of getting thrush. But I'm going to give it a couple more weeks, then see how I'm feeling, and I may go back to the doctor.

Honestly, I think the end of the semester will clear a lot of it up. I take on too much of my husband's stress.